Anyone wanna edit an article I wrote for the newspaper for me? i just need any comments, feedback, proof checks, criticism... anything at all helps. sorry its long...
Also, I had this on the homework cult and the only comments I got were "youre pro?" and "skiiers like snowboarders." so thats why its here now. (and no, im most definitly not pro and yes, i knwo most skiiers like snowboarders. that whole part is lies.)
I have about one more week before the editing has to be finalized, so any suggestions, critcal advice, whatever, is appreciated a ton.
Thoughts on the Mountain
After reading a thread on a skiing website, it has come to my knowledge that skiers don’t like snowboarders. At all. This I did not know! As a professional Olympic skier, I have to deal with a lot of fans, mainly 14-year-old snow “thugs� asking me to prom. When I’m not fighting off my adoring public, I spend my time worrying about my next film location and how to sport the powder suit the right way (They’re coming back in a BIG way, trust me). I hardly even get time to ski, much less think about if snowboarders are cool or not.
After a brief period of reflection, I realized I have a hard time not liking snowboarders. The way they cut me off really makes me utilize the edges of my skis and also teach me patience. The special, colorful names they call me really increase my vocabulary. The way they smell… lets just say gondola rides are the best when the air is permeated by a pungent and musty odor. Yes, I love you crazy snowboarding rebels.
That brings up a good question: Do snowboarders ever bathe? Lets think about this. I have observed about 5 snowboarders in the Santa Catalina community. They are both residents and day students, thus, have equal bias against bathing. Upon asking them about their bathing habits, they reply, “I don’t shower…ever… why would I? Who am I going to impress?� (Answer: Me.) Therefore, I have deduced snowboarders don’t shower. Ever.
Snowboarders are not only bound onto on one plank rather than two, they wear different boots. Because of this, many (read: all) of them think they “own� a certain way of dressing. When I hop on the lift at Heavenly or Squaw next to a snowboarder, he usually tries to pick me up, tries to convert me to snowboarding or laughs at my getup: “Where are your tight black pants and ear muffs?� he often asks. “How come you are wearing snowboarder clothes? You’re a skier…And a GIRL!� (The word girl is said with a particular tone of disdain in their voice.) Well, here's a news flash, bro: tight Bogner pants only exist in my dad’s ski-gear arsenal and ear muffs make me really claustrophobic. I’m allowed to wear comfortable 686 pants and a giant parka. I don’t want to wear spandex on the snow; I’ll save that for race day (which I’ll win). And finally, don’t be jealous when I say this, but I look way better in frumpy down clothing than you.
And another question: Why do all snowboarders think I am a man? I understand that I wear baggy “man pants� and that I ski aggressively. But shouldn’t the long blonde hair or the bosoms tip them off? I mean, what guy wears a bra while skiing? I got so irritated with guys telling me I wasn’t a “real man� because I didn’t “shred gnar� that I landed myself a pair of hot pink Spy goggles. Now everyone thinks I’m either a really lame guy or realizes I’m a girl.
However, being an obvious member of the female species does not mean I get much more respect. I'm actually downgraded from androgynous-person-on-skis (APOS) status to girl-on-skis (GOS) status, which is worse than girl-on-snowboard-who-can't-ride-to-save- her-life (My Big Sister) status. Everyone thinks I was to “chicken� to try snowboarding when it became “the alternative thing to do.� That’s just a lie. I did too snowboard; I just failed over and over and over again. And I also hated that I couldn’t go at life-threatening speeds on my little 149cm Abel board. Not to mention how good I felt when a lift-op at Dodge Ridge kicked my sister Gaby, Alex Sutty, Sandra Soriano and myself out of the terrain park (for being too good, obviously). (True story!)
Any ways, besides the fact that I just fabricated a few paragraphs of this article, I do have one thing to say about snowboarders. LEARN TO GET OFF THE LIFT. Please- spare yourself. Spare your pride and spare the entire lift behind you. Stop falling. If you do fall, get up quickly and move away. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to wait for you to collect yourself and find your lighter/ walkie-talkie/ hair gel in the snow. Just get out of the way! When I own the world, I will make it illegal to stop a lift, regardless of if someone fell to their demise and is getting run over by all subsequent lift-riders.
Other than the fact that I am so good at skiing and really hott and the coolest person ever to grace the snow, I am surprisingly considered a loser because I ski. All of my virtues have been stripped away (almost like in Salvation!) just due to the two pieces of BEAUTY under my feet. This is all about to change.
Skiing is rapidly becoming “acceptable� by the masses and even “cool� by some. I, for one, have embraced my eternal lame-ness and am proud to be the only girl (…out of the kids I hang out with) in the whole of Santa Cruz County who rocks twin-tip skis and has her own “steeze,� even if it is dubbed Frankenstein Style. With the 'specially' named “new school skiing revolution� far underway, people are starting to look at me in a new light. Rather than being this total geek who skis with her dad, people understand that I am this total winner who skis with her dad. Instead of being that weird kid on skis trying to hit that kicker, I am now a “rad ripper-chick� on skis trying to hit that kicker. (Truth: I've never actually been called a “rad ripper-chick� but I know that’s what the other park-rats are thinking. Call it E.S.P.) And finally, instead of being that sad high-school kid who wishes she was good, I am about to become that sad college kid who wishes she was good. Times change, people.
My last piece of important information I have to share with you is 100% total truth. Not even lying in the slightest. A few years ago, I went to a “chart reader� who used some crazy magical mathematical formula involving my birth-date and credit card number and pulled up a map of the stars on the night I was born. He proceeded to “read� the stars and tell me about myself, and more importantly, my future. Even though his office was literally in the carved-out base of a giant tree (I suspect he is a relative of Hobbits), I listened to his words. This does not mean I believed them at the time, but I've recently gotten into astrological signs. (You can often hear me exclaiming, “Ohmigosh III am SUCH a Sagh!�) I’ve noticed a lot of the charted traits per sign are super true for the people they belong to. So, I dug up the tape recording of my meeting with the Hobbit and listened to it again. He told me that I am an amazing athlete. I got the joke but played along anyways. Hippy chart-reader man told me that I have the same drive, skill and attitude that make people Olympians. He said if I fed my intensity and worked really, really hard, I could be an Olympian! Then he told me I probably wont end up getting married because I am apparently afraid of commitment, a classic Sagittariun characteristic.
The moral of that last completely unrelated paragraph is that you should get my autograph now, because even if I don’t make it to the Olympics, I will become a good skier eventually. And you should all strive to be like me.
(Authors bio: Veronica Ann is 18 and skis a lot. She hates long walks on the beach because she can’t focus long enough for the “long� part and has trouble with the “walk� part. She likes cookies, her new cell phone and dog shows. Roni is sort of a loser. She wants to share one last disclaimer with the readers: “I actually don’t hate snowboarders that much at all. I don’t like the whole cutting-me-off thing and the ruining-moguls thing, but I'll live. I actually snowboard, too. Only, while you call it ‘snowboarding’ I call it ‘falling down the mountain.’ Also, I own a ski area, called Bad News Bears Ski Area. It is called that because there are bears there that don’t hibernate and if someone is bad at skiing or snowboarding the bears go out and attack them. It’s funny.�)
'When I was 3 or 4 or 5, I got kicked out of school in Denmark when they relized I didn't speak Danish. Then the sadists I lived with put me to work on a pig farm. Later, I was to get bit by a monkey in Bali and lost in Thailand.'
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