A midget tossing story I found on some site:::
Today marks an infamous day in history. On October 1, 1988, the sport of dwarf tossing was officially outlawed in Florida. Bob Morris, flaccidly humorous columnist for the Orlando Sentinel at the time, was quoted as saying, 'When dwarf tossing is outlawed, only outlaws will toss dwarves.'
This, of course was the event that sparked the brilliantly creative inspiration behind the ground-breaking novel The Dirty Dwarf, which can be conveniently found online at this site. But the ramifications of such oppressive free-market legislation are far-reaching. After all, what was the real harm in tossing a few little guys in helmets onto a gym mat and paying them $20 a toss for the effort? Of course, the much taller liberals who were looking out for the interests of the 'little man' conveniently saved them from humiliation and mockery by forbidding this sort of lurid employment. Nevermind the fact that the dwarves were actually unemployed as the result of the kind hearted bastards. But rest assured that they all found far more dignified and meaningful employment putting on hot, miserable character costumes out at Walt Disney World. Thank you so much, liberals, for creating a happier world for people relegated to crotch-staring their entire lives. I'm sure they w ill thank you as soon as the paramedics revive them from heat stroke. And their first thoughts will be... 'Gee, I'm sure glad I don't have to be forced to make $250 a night when I can make nearly 25% of that for four times the work now!... I think I'll vote Democrat the rest of my short life!'
But I am happy to report that the hapless void left by the removal of dwarf tossing from our local pubs has now been replaced with the far-superior sport of 'Bimbo Bowling'. Scantily clad, slightly anorexic women, preferrably with breast implants and good hand-eye coordination are greased up with an oily concoction, placed in a throwing harness, and slid down a modified bowling alley towards a group of pins which, with a little assistance from the bowled bimbo, are knocked down and the score recorded.
Personally, when I participate in this fun activity, I like to pick Stella. She is the only bimbo I know that really tries to pick up that 6-10 split. Her hips are bigger than the average bimbo, which allows for a slight hooking action to my throws, spinning her sideways just before the point of impact and taking out the whole frame of pins. On my best nights, Stella's top is left somewhere in the gutter and we can all cheer enthusiastically as she tries to find it while peering through her safety helmet.
Perhaps now female dwarves can enter the arena, since it apparantly is perfectly dignified to be a well-paid bowling bimbo, so long as you don't differentiate based upon disability. When I launch Blind Man Skeet Targets next spring, perhaps we will find out.
'Jeez, he gets more excited over that than playboy'
-My dad talking to my mom after the new Freeze came
'Now I understand why you like skiing so much'
-My dad talking to me a few days later after 'reading' the new freeskier